Author: Erin

I may have an opportunity to provide music therapy to clients with developmental disabilities on a 1:1 basis as an independent contractor. I may also have an opportunity to teach voice, violin, and/or beginners’ guitar. I may too have an opportunity to develop my skills advocating for music therapy by presenting to a variety of groups throughout this area. 


I may really want to take this opportunity, should it be granted to me, because I am configuring a three-year plan that includes opening my own practice…


I may need to take a business class or two between now and when I decide to act on that plan.


I may also feel a pang of hesitation because I may really want to spend good time at home. However, maybe now is best to invest this kind of time so that in the next couple of years, when there is more of a pull to be home (not that there isn’t now, but when it might be too hard to be away… ), I could maybe accomplish having my own schedule and my own clients…

I may, I may, I may. We’ll just see how it goes. 

Here I sit, in my blue sweatpants and black sweatshirt (yes, nice, and yes, I did color coordinate with Mom), rocking in one of our two wicker rocking chairs on the enclosed porch, with Thomas sitting next to me and Bash (the new dog) sleeping on the doormat, and I am thinking that life is pretty awesome at the moment. 


Remembering to love moments like this is truly difficult for me. 


Because I could just as easily think that this is a great moment, but for the fact that I am not being productive. And because I am not doing things that need to get done, this moment, therefore, really isn’t as great as it could be. And there goes my cherishing the moment… 


No, that’s not true. I still am loving life. 


I do wonder, though, how to do it all. I could easily, and maybe should, spend hours each night working. I am still trying to find my balance.

Finally, it’s over 30 degrees here, and the sun is out. I took Bash/the dog whose name may or may not be solidified, for a walk directly after work. I had a great morning, both at home and at work, but my afternoon has pretty much sucked for reasons I can’t determine. Even the walk in the awesome weather didn’t help me. 


Below is a list of phrases I dislike:
“Is there going to be a sing-along?”
“Are you the entertainer?”
“Are you going to perform for us?”
A staff member to a resident, as I am trying to gather specific people for a group: “Would you like to listen to some music?”
“The new activity girl is here.” (This one is special; I don’t like “girl,” either.)

I do happen to look good in red.

I. can. hardly. stand. those. words. in. those. configurations. !


But I do. I do stand them. 

On Saturday, Thomas and I had another opportunity to go to an orchestra concert. True, I was tired from having worked all day, and Thomas seemed tired from having run a 10K in the morning (and helping me move out of the apartment), but we went. I was again impressed by a violin soloist, Johnathan Magness, and I was reminded that I absolutely love Dvorak. Another thought I had, though, was about the act of teaching music. 


Clearly, this violinist and all of the orchestra members are terrific musicians. I had to help run an event at work that morning, also having to do with violin players– and I say “violin players” because they were children, very young to maybe high school-aged. They were giving an annual recital. (Mom, they weren’t Suzuki, though they did play a lot of Suzuki songs.) Now, they are learning how to play violin. They are learning about music by experiencing an instrument. But in my book, they weren’t musicians. Yet. 

This is not Bash.

I have played violin since I was two (nearly three) years old. I can tell you that I do not ever remember being enthralled by the music I played. I do not have a memory of hearing a piece and having trouble resisting some temptation to learn it. I do, however, recall seeing a couple other kids who had a need to know a piece. Certainly, I have benefited from my Suzuki instruction, but my big question is: How is musicianship taught? Or is it? At what point does the ability to play an instrument, or use your voice to sing a song, become musical? I believe that I am a musician, but I do not think I was a musician until very recently. I suppose I am wondering whether or not musicality can be instructed. Can one be taught to be a musician, or is musicianship (and lack thereof) a part of one’s nature?


On a very different topic: Thomas and I are now dog owners! Yesterday, we adopted a 10-month-old, black labrador/retriever mix from the Humane Society. We love him! We have (just this moment) named him Bash. (There is a story behind his name, but you’ll have to ask me to have Thomas relay it to you…)


Pictures of Bash to come. 

I got on the elevator at work today, and one of the volunteers who is frequently there and one of my co-workers shared the elevator with me. The volunteer asked us to what floor we’d like to go, and then immediately started complaining about how stupid it was that people were excited about the Royal Wedding. My co-worker asked her why she was so upset by it, and she said that we should be thinking about the people whose lives have been utterly disrupted, if not lost, by the tornadoes. 


Well, yes. And no. I cannot imagine the pain the victims of the recent storms are experiencing. The closest I’ve come to that was a tornado that went through Iowa City while I was living there. The storm tore up the town, but no one, thankfully, died or was even injured (as far as I remember). That storm was scary, and it simply did not come close to the tornadoes that have killed hundreds of people in the past couple of days. 


I can appreciate that our hearts should go out to those families, and that relief should be pledged in some way for those victims. 


But I also feel that people shouldn’t be berated for trying to experience joy or to celebrate something. There is always bad news. There is always something devastating happening. Please do not think that I am downplaying the tragedies of Alabama, or of Japan. But I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong in trying to feel good about something. Especially in times of great loss and devastation, such as there has been all over the world for, well, forever. Good news comes so infrequently. Good things aren’t reported as often as the bad, or so it seems. What is wrong with trying to enjoy someone else’s happiness? Just for a day? Why is that good thing bad?


Finding happiness and reason to celebrate is much more difficult than feeling despair. Most news is bad news. Embrace what makes you feel good. That’s the only way to keep going. 

Jerk.

Every time I enter our bathroom, I smell stale coffee. This is because one of the first things I managed to do yesterday at work was let my travel coffee mug (mind you, it was a travel mug, and it was sealed as tightly as it could be) tip over on my music cart and spill itself onto one of my beloved books of music. (Notice I wrote, “let my travel coffee mug,” which actually incorrectly implies that I had something to do with it, as if I saw it tipping, and allowed it to follow through. This was not the case. Something knocked it from its secure position, standing freely in the middle of a moving cart. Not secure; I shouldn’t have let it there, and I am sorry.)


Sorry doesn’t adequately describe how I felt about it, because as I was trying to save the book and my water bottle (that should have been inhabiting the space) from coffee, I was also fully aware that I needed to start my group within minutes, and that there was an alarm going off nearby as a resident was falling out of her chair. Of course (and I hope you didn’t question me), I attended to the resident first and fully. 


Which leads me to wonder how in the future I can better lead a group and attend to those residents in the periphery who are clearly experiencing problems of one kind or another. Triage. Needs must be met, by everyone, and in what order is an interesting dance I will continue to learn. 


So the coffee-stained book is now hanging by its spine in the bathroom. I love coffee, but I hate smelling it as it stales on the pages of a book that is very important to me. 

I notice the massive, inflatable Easter bunnies and their counterparts that live kitty-corner from our house (1. I heard somewhere it’s actually “catty-corner,” and 2. I love that I can now say “our house”) have fallen to the fact that Easter is, once again, past. I was worried about the health and well-being of these neighbors, though, because until only a week ago, they still had their Christmas inflatables attached to their roof and fence, flapping in the wind as their insides had long-since been evacuated. (Good thing they don’t have bowels.) Thomas says these neighbors inflate giant decorations for each holiday. I wonder how they’ll decorate for No Diet Day on the sixth.


I wonder how Easter was for you. Mine was great. Thomas and I traveled to my parents’ farm, where my brother and his son from out of state had been visiting. We spent the whole weekend with family. Even more family than had been there for Christmas. And that’s a lot. 

The picture may be bigger than the dog.

We are considering getting a dog… Either a Pomeranian or a mastiff. You know. Something around that size. 

Are you kidding? (This isn’t me. Nor a dog I could feed.)

No, we really don’t know. Preferably a dog that won’t dig, as we are going to start planting/gardening. I thought maybe a legless dog, then, but Thomas doesn’t seem to think that’s a wise suggestion.


I am eagerly anticipating May. In May, I will hopefully be getting more hours at work and I will definitely be getting benefits. Wouldn’t it be neat to just have a doctor’s appointment?

Not me

Man, oh man, does sleep make a world of difference to me. I simply could not sleep last night, and when I got to work, I felt like I was imploding. I couldn’t concentrate, and I had a lot of trouble singing well through the songs I was providing, and I was unhappy. I had had a great day the day before, so I knew it had nothing to do with how I was feeling with work. Luckily, Wednesdays are short for me, so I napped really hard and now feel essentially fine.


I remember hardly sleeping when I was in college. I had a number of consecutive semesters in which I had 20 to 23 credit hours, and I stayed in the library all night some nights. Sure, some nights were not spent at the library, but I wasn’t the person who shoved something like 40 bars in a two-block radius in the ped mall.


Either I am getting older (of course this is true), or I simply didn’t notice what effect sleep deprivation had on me those years ago.


Some people have religious leaders to whom they look for guidance, but I am telling you, I am not ashamed to admit that I really love Gretchen Rubin. Here is some of what she finds to be important about sleep. 

Thomas registered me (per my request) for a half marathon in October. Hopefully my training for it will help my physique for our wedding. But, as much as I’d love it, I somewhat doubt I will ever get any smaller than I already am. Regardless, I will try. 


In my music therapy blog reading, I found the site Musicovery. I gave it a C on an A-F scale. Tell me, how do you grade it?

Where I thrive

I remember forming ideas for the coming year once the end of last year came upon us all. I remember saying I wanted to focus on music and my relationships. I want simplicity, so that the things in which I invest grow really well. I’m engaged, which is huge and wonderful. Hopefully I will continue to develop that relationship. 🙂 And I have chosen to focus on my work more intensely and to clarify my needs in the world of music. Also, a good thing. So far in 2011, I am doing well. 


I thrive in Minneapolis. Thrive. 🙂

I have entered another snow globe phase. Not to say that much of life here, with me, had become settled in any respect. Its pieces had at least begun their drift down to the ground, though. Thomas and I are moving my stuff from my studio apartment to his house, which alone is enough to send me into a shake-up. But we are also trying to nail down a wedding date and make the first few big decisions that come in wedding planning. And considering getting a dog, in the next few weeks. All of these things are lovely and fantastic.


I am looking for more work, and it sounds like I may get another position in a facility affiliated with my current one. I am also considering “opening” my own “practice,” and by that I mean, taking on some individual clients. I recently got a gig as a substitute violinist in a wedding trio, and I am trying to learn more music for work. 


All kinds of beginnings. Beginnings are exciting, but also intense and time-consuming (for me). Where do I concentrate? Where do I focus? Oh, and I’ve decided to register for my first half-marathon, coming this fall. Again, exciting, but exhausting. I get invested in work when I’m at work, but when I leave, I become consumed by home life (which is natural and probably best, I know), but, how do I divvy up my attention?

Another snow globe

You know?


I think I’ve had a lot of snow globe phases this year. 


I will try to be nice to myself as all of these newnesses come to be. I am still a new music therapist in a new position, and I am still newly engaged (my favorite). 

Anyway, I am happy to have all of my clothes in one physical space. That fact alone will make daily life easier. 🙂