In internship, I am realizing the painful pleasure of constructing my unique style of providing music therapy services to the variety of clients and patients I see. I am supervised by three distinctly different professionals, and I work with two co-interns who, too, have different strengths and limitations than me. The therapy I provide is also somewhat different from patient to patient and group to group, even within the same population (which is to be expected).
In the band in which I play, I am also responsible to upholding the knowledge I have accumulated over the years so that I may use it in order to be flexible. I have often found difficulty in maintaining a balance between doing whatever it is the band wants me to do even though I fear the health of my voice, for instance, could be compromised, and being entirely rigid and saying “No” with absolution. I recognize my responsibility, though, in finding that balance.
I can see my style in music therapy develop, and my personal style grow within the context of the band, but I’m having trouble finding that balance I need in other areas of my life. Finding people I enjoy is usually hard, and is proving to be so here as I am attempting to become settled in some manner here in the city. What I’d like is to be patient and to feel confident in myself when I meet someone and think, “Nope, not my style.” My good friends reside in opposite sides of the country. My family is nearby, but not close enough to see on a weekly basis. I do have some close people here, and that is lucky– I’m grateful for that– but I shouldn’t feel badly about believing myself. I’ve never been one to have a massive group of “friends,” because I think having a large number of people with whom to generate a close connection would take an impossible amount of time (and I doubt there are that many people out there who are my style 🙂 ).
I am going to attempt patience, and balance within it. I wonder how long I can make it last.